Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
