you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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