I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
