Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
