when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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