I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
