I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
