You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
