You work out of a Hotel?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i came on her dog
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
