Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I intend to get homeless drunk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
