What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
