kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
