I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
