my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
