Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
