My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
