so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
