Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
