Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
