I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
