I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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