i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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