Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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