i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
