fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
