The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
