I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
