i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're making bets on your personal life
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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