Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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