I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
