Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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