Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
