Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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