guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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