I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's blow job season.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
