both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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