I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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