my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I FOUND THE LEGS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
