Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
