Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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