I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
