wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
