I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
