How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
