i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
