your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
