he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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