her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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