Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
