I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
