They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
